Jimb0v

Wow it has been a long time.

Thu, 02 Dec 2004 22:35:55 GMT

Almost two years to the day since my last update!

I'm now a full fledged attorney! Yay for me. I took the patent bar about a week ago and do not have the results yet.

On the social front I've been dating my old highschool sweetheart Amanda for over a year now. Things are going really well.

I probably could say a lot more but after reading some of my past entries on this site I feel incredibly stupid, whiny, and vunerable.

Hopefully I will have the courage to update again before another two years pass.

Curve of the Earth

Mon, 02 Dec 2002 01:57:12 GMT

I tried to come down from you / I tried with your voice in my head knocking me back every inch I move / I'm a sucker for a good lie / the way you say you understand / the way you talk of catching me / but never open up your hand

You're vicious like a blue sky right before the rain comes through.

Every Word. I bet you would.

So another Thanksgiving has come and gone. Mine was full of things to be thankful for as usual. I have absolutely no complaints. Got to see lots of old friends, and spend a lot of time with my family that I love a ton. I hope the same was true for everyone else.

I hope I can survive through my exams now.

Miracles.

Sun, 24 Nov 2002 18:25:59 GMT

They built a hero out of expectations
and what a hopeless hero was he
with sticks for legs he shook when the wind blew,
even slightly
and he welcomed the smiles, he welcomed the applause
and he hoped that they'd never forget
just who they thought he was
they dressed him up in rich man's clothes
and told him he was beautiful
then they expected miracles
His parents were pleased they went to all the parties
he was groomed for greatness from the time he was young
raised on a diet of television
he was taught to listen, kept dumb
and he welcomed desire and reckless luxury
and the world soaked up every drop of drama and insecurity
they dressed him up in rich man's clothes
and told him he was beautiful
then they expected miracles
and then one day his admirers just quit him
they packed up their paint and were gone
and he stood alone,
their beautiful disaster,
wondering were he'd gone wrong
and he wanted the smiles and he wanted the applause
but no one would look him in the eye now,
no one returned his calls
they dressed him up in rich man's clothes
and told him he was beautiful
then they expected miracles

"I will not wait for you in vain"

Sat, 23 Nov 2002 08:40:10 GMT

Does anyone believe in love?

I mean real love. The type that shakes up your foundation.

I hate life. Really.

Let me rephrase. I hate my life right now.

I'm sick of giving all my energy to girls that don't reciprocate.

What is friendship anyway? I'm so messed up. and most of all sad.
Why won't my sadness go away. It's like I purposely try and make myself sad because I want to feel sorry for myself. Throwing a pity party and being horny do not go together. I don't recommend it. I do however recommend whiskey on the rocks.

I realize this has all been said before. And I realize I bring all this on myself. And I realize my life isn't really that bad. but here I am. Friday night. Sad. Very sad.

I'm so. god. damn. whiny. Someone shut me up please.

starfish and coffee?!?!

Sat, 23 Nov 2002 04:19:14 GMT

Prince or Matt Nathanson for president.

all of us were ordinary comapred to cynthia rose *cough* drake.

It was 7:45 we were all in line
2 greet the teacher Miss Cathleen
First was Kevin, then came Lucy, third in line was me
All of us where ordinary compared to Cynthia Rose
She always stood at the back of the line
A smile beneath her nose
Her favorite number was 20 and every single day
If U asked her what she had 4 breakfast
This is what she'd say
Starfish and coffee
Maple syrup and jam
Butterscotch clouds, a tangerine
And a side order of ham
If U set your mind free, baby
Maybe you'd understand
Starfish and coffee
Maple syrup and jam

Cynthia wore the prettiest dress
With different color socks
Sometimes I wondered if the mates where in her lunchbox
Me and Lucy opened it when Cynthia wasn't around
Lucy cried, I almost died, U know what we found?

Starfish and coffee
Maple syrup and jam
Butterscotch clouds, a tangerine
And a side order of ham
If U set your mind free, honey
Maybe you'd understand
Starfish and coffee
Maple syrup and jam

Starfish and coffee

Cynthia had a happy face, just like the one she'd draw
On every wall in every school
But it's all right, it's 4 a worthy cause
Go on, Cynthia, keep singin'

Starfish and coffee
Maple syrup and jam
Butterscotch clouds, a tangerine
And a side order of ham
If U set your mind free, baby
Maybe you'd understand
Starfish and coffee
Maple syrup and jam

Naked

Fri, 22 Nov 2002 16:00:25 GMT

I'm so tired, you probably don't even know what I mean. I'm full of contradictions and hipocracies. I'm so tired, I don't even know which side of the fighting I'm on. And if I wanted no part of it, you'd say I was doing something wrong. Today was just like yesterday, and the day before. Taking myself so god damn seriously, and I can't recall what for.

Lie.

Thu, 21 Nov 2002 06:35:32 GMT

I don't feel much like talking to you tonight
I'd rather not let you twist my words around again until they
give you something to feel
I would rather keep my distance, thank you very much
What do you want? Do you want my apologies?
Do you want me to tell you I'm wrong? Because I won't
I won t feed your melodrama and I won t be a part of your
game
But thank you very much
Please fix your own lie before you start attacking mine
You can call me your friend if that s the kind of security that
you need
We all look for it in different ways
Just don't persecute me, thank you very much
Please fix your own lie before you start attacking mine
don't you see that I will be all that you want me to be
don't you see that I will be all that you envisioned me to be
But I refuse to be raped
Until I confess all that you want me to hear
Then consoled and told that it will be alright
Because it s not all right, I don't have the energy and I don't
have the strength
To take on your emotional weight
So please fix your own lie before you start attacking mine

sigh

Wed, 25 Apr 2001 06:48:42 GMT

::bangs head against ficticious board::

Watching a pair...

Sun, 15 Apr 2001 06:13:28 GMT

Quite a bit has happened since my last post. I'll start at the end, the ever so logical position to begin. I had a long talk with my folks tonight about... my future. I have some very big decisions to make regarding what I'm going to do come this fall. Officially I have accepted an offer from MSU for about 20k a year to be a master's of computer science student. Unofficially I'm still considering (Big breath):
Wisconsin Law school (I'm on the waiting list), Ohio State Law school (awaiting rejection), Indiana Law school (awaiting rejection), Iowa Law School(awaiting rejection), Michigan Law School(awaiting rejection), and Michigan ms in computers(admitted with no aid). I am totally playing this by ear right now. It is not uncommon to be accepted up to a week before law school actually starts. So, I'm a bit wish washy on what exactly is going to become of me this fall.

This Summer I will be staying with Jake and Felicity in the lovely dover's crossing apartment complex. I'm fairly excited at the prospect of having my own room and being able to cook my own food. This will be the first time since high school I will have my own personal space.

I made some amazing headway on my cse 498 project today before I left to come home to muskegon for easter. I think it made my excursion to chilli's with jake and my cp a lot more fun. I was totally giddy the whole time. I don't consider myself a person who does giddy that well. Or often for that matter, so it was a bunch of fun.

Concerts. I've started to enjoy live music much more since I started going to good, CHEAP, shows. We all know dusty likes his counting crows, but dusty sure has changed his tune quite a lot lately. Let's start with the best: Erin Mckeown. I recently made a trip with my super cp to oberlin ohio. Where all the cool kids are, doncha know? I saw what was easily the most amazing performance of this uncultured little boys life. This event was sponsored by the LBGT group at oberlin and was free. FREE. wow. Oh, since here in dustyland we assume maximum unculturedness LBGT==Lesbian Bi Gay and Transgener in case you didn't know like me. So, there I was surrounded by about 500 lesbians and my super cp chillin, hanging on every lyric Erin poured out. A-mazing. Seriously straight people all over the place are missing some crazy stuff! Next up I got the chance to see the horny Melissa Ferrick Orgasm on stage. Yep, she definitely did. I suppose she could have been faking, but I'm a boy we can never tell the difference. Then there was good ol' Fred This concert was a lot different than the previous two. This was new orleans rock and roll as compared to indie folk/jazz/fusion/crazy amazing stuff. Anyhow some people might have heard of cowboy mouth from there hit Jenny Says. It was a good concert to see live. Seriously though, GO SEE ERIN.

I haven't seen either of these two live but definitely check them out. Mindflow and John Mayer. Good shit :)

Well I realize that this post is still very inadequate for the amount of void in my live journal, hopefully I will be able to update more frequently now that I'm a bit more caught up.

And it all comes crashing down at once, or not at all

Wed, 21 Mar 2001 02:21:16 GMT

I'm listening to this awesome concert at http://www.liveconcerts.com/listening/kcrw by mirah.
I'm sitting down thinking about my life, and what I want to do with myself for the rest of it.
I'm a whiner. I know this.
I'm a white male mid upper class snob. Yep I know.
I talk loud sometime. Nod.
I randomly repeat lyrics in everyday conversation because they sound good to me. Sure do.
I have an unhealthy obsession with money, and obtaining it.
I wish I were an intellect. I wish I was more like the people I hate.
I'm jealous of a lot of people.
I need a change. I'm not happy with my life.
I wish I had a firm stance on important political issues and had good reasoning behind it.
I wish I never played devil's advocate.
I'm really sensitive.
I'm seriously considering becoming a vegetarian. No REALLY, I am. If only i knew why.
I don't want to be a teacher.
I wish I had my own room.
I don't miss being a cyber athlete that much.
I hate that this is a list and not a poetic melting of amazing prose and my own thoughts.
I'm proud of my open mindedness.
I'm really stressed out right now.
Well It's time for some quadra with my cp if she'll have me.

Sun, 18 Feb 2001 12:15:33 GMT

I can't stop sneezing. The sun is rising. caleb is stirring in bed. Photoshop is getting boring. I wish I were elsewhere. But I'm not.
There's this tree outside my window. When I was a kid I would have loved to climb it. When I was six probably. Life was so simple then. There were no plans. Nothing to worry about, or think about. John Mayer, my heman toys and I *sigh*.
I really miss music right this moment. It's nights like these where the extra gazillion dollars for a single would be well worth it.
Theres a phrase stuck in my head right now... I figure I'll share it.
"HELLO YOU LAND LUBBERS-ALMOST SAILORS"
-Captain Joe
Fuck. shit. mide as well.
I wish my thoughts were organized. I wish I knew what I wanted. Even if i didn't know what I wanted knowing how to get it would suffice. scratch that. The illusion of knowing what I want or the illusion of knowing how to get it would be A-OK with me.
I really wish I wasn't a slob. or lazy for that matter. I wonder if these things are genetic at all. I don't really believe they are... but it's a nice copout since my dad is both... if i can call him my dad. *sigh*
My tata went blind a few days ago. I miss him so much. I really want grandchildren someday... normal children will be neat too, but my grandpa and my relationship was so good. One of total respect on both sides. Unafraid to hold back... his stories were always enticing even if they seemed fabricated.
ugh zug
I'm cold and alone. I miss my cp kiwi

Tue, 30 Jan 2001 14:18:11 GMT

Is sometime now?

Yes.

pitter patter of thoughts

Wed, 27 Dec 2000 05:09:45 GMT

Cast away... the antics surrounding my personal viewage of it probably would make just as good of movie.
I have always thought one of my best qualities was to be able to see things through another person's eyes. Perhaps this is no advantage at all.
Tonight I am sad. Tonight I miss her something fierce. Tonight I need someone I can talk to, tonight I need someone I don't have to talk to.

Thu, 14 Dec 2000 09:37:48 GMT

4:40 am eh? It's not even on a tuesday. I have a final tomomrow at 10am that I am "studying" for. I'm crossing my fingers. I'm preoccupied with my grades and other things as normal. My life is pretty good right now i guess. Nothing worth complaining about etc. I really should get back to studying I guess. I just wanted to update to procrastinate a little more. I wish our heat worked :(

Best to kill the ones that matter, render blind the ones who see.

Fri, 01 Dec 2000 06:04:27 GMT

It's been a long time as usual. "It didn't occur to me" runs through me like water in countless aspects of my life. Days pass particularly. No, I don't know what that means either...
ece482
cse470
I have spent a lot of time in the past week or so working on these two different projects. I have learned quite a bit through the experience... hmm expreience I know that word... anyhow...
I have a really big ego right now from writing my resume and just assessing where I am and where I have come from. putting myself fully on the line. Maybe that makes this all cheap and dirty. But sometimes pain wins... and we all learned from Haley that pain isn't neccesarily bad... well maybe we all didn't... but I guess I did.
If i don't see louie soon I'm gonna scream. A friendship so keen a friendship so old and plain, it's beautiful. Any guy you can say you love and he doesn't beat the crap out of you is a winner.
My mother has been exceptionally pleasant to me as of late, offering to help with applications and any other loose ends I needed tied up. My step dad... well my real dad ugh, I never know how to deal with that. How bout Dad. I love him too. He is wonderful to me. Anyway I guess I just wanted to give a shoutout to how wonderful parents can me. I'm lucky. I know.
ok, check out this
A few days back kt decorated my desktop with some indie/emo bands etc
take a look at the fellow at the drums on the left. If anyone can tell me what the hell that blue lightning thing is on his wrist that would be awesome. Until i find out he is my physical idle. That guy is completely hardcore. I will be him soon enough.
I'm going to go back to being giddy about tommorow now.
I have a date yo.

So you wanna be a rock and roll engineer?

Thu, 02 Nov 2000 06:56:50 GMT

well he is quite a looker, too
as if that's an afterthought
rather than the glue
that binds them together
in a pose thats perverse

The bacon folder is full tonight.
I finished my first game of Trivial Pursuit ever tonight.

There's no "leaning" in my life... I feel really odd right now. I could use some.
I have been having mood swings alot lately. Working really hard... Playing hard too.

Rocky.
that boy has the best life
he's just ignorant enough to be happy
just confident enough to be sexy
just smart enough to be wealthy

I miss Louie. I can't wait to see him at central. I need him to tell me what guitar to purchase. I want to call him up and just talk but i don't know what I would say. I guess I'm allowed to call him and talk even when I'm NOT having girl troubles.

Why didn't I realize friendship meant so much to me before this? because I always had it? I'm not entirely sure. But it does. This sounds so fucking cheesy. Oh well.

"By the way I always say your name. Let's talk about anything you make up drinks I'll make up names and we're never boring cuz nobody knows. Best looking boys go all the way."

They all fail the hug test. :sigh:

While the night is still young

Tue, 31 Oct 2000 06:13:07 GMT

"It's a radiation vibe I'm grooving on." -Fountains of Wayne
Life has been unique lately. Lots to think about and even more to do.
"Cuz I'm not in love right now but I got lots of things to do" - Jess Klein
Friendships grow unbounded.
"You get the car, I'll get the night off" -Built to Spill
Incidents seem to make the days better. Shorter.
I'm learning to enjoy my life. And thats a start. Eh?
"If I don't let myself be happy now, than when?" -Jimmy Eat world

Electric Women

Thu, 19 Oct 2000 06:37:36 GMT

Electric Women are in my dreams tonight.
Academically bad day. Socially good day.
Sleep is calling. Barely can keep eyes open.

Across a wire

Tue, 10 Oct 2000 13:47:49 GMT

It has been a discrete amount of time. My life has had it's ups and downs as of late. Nothing I can't cope with in the end. I want to portray how I feel, but I really can't figure it out for myself. It seems the more thought I put into it the more I find myself straying away thinking of the what if's and the future that isn't even a seed planted in my forest.

When I step out of my life, I am infinitely happier than I was say, 3 months ago.

Cindy. She's in love, and it's not with me. That's ok. Our friendship has grown strong. Things got tough and I'm not running. Things aren't going the way I dreamed, but I can have new dreams. I'm looking foward to fahita rita nights, dancing, and ani. Living in the now is a good thing.

It's a bright sunshiny day.

Abigail was not up for breakfast as I expected :)

Cheryl was quaint and reserved.

Kimmie was harsh and cold.

Mehridith was friendly and loquacious

Three days from today...

Mon, 02 Oct 2000 13:14:34 GMT

I so do not want to go to class today. More so than in a long long long long long long long long long time. I'm mad at the world. This has been a brief dusty update. Thankyou.

busy

Tue, 19 Sep 2000 18:25:46 GMT

I've never been this busy in my entire life. I feel so completely overwhelmed, swimming in my sea of loneliness. I have no time to sit back and relax the way i want to. Everything leads into something else. I finish one project only to have two more laid upon me. As long as I breathe and reember to take some time for my friends and I hopefully I'l make it through. I'm glad I've made such awesome friends, new and old.

For the first time it felt worth it, like i deserved it.

Sun, 17 Sep 2000 03:38:30 GMT

I see
Do you see what i see?
Sometimes
I nod and note
other times you don't.
It's a problem I'm just not sure...
right now you see me as blue
and i see you as blue
so sometimes i see you as you see me
but blue is my color... what does it mean?

Sat, 16 Sep 2000 05:02:00 GMT

My life is same ol same ol. Had a good time hanging out with the girls tonight. I met Cory. Made some cool drinks. Not really much else to say thats worth saying. Redundancy is really boring. Bunch of new bands in my mp3 player. So I put on a happy face and waste away in dustyville.

Wed, 13 Sep 2000 20:40:19 GMT

I really wish I had a phone! alot.

Indie rock rocks.

Tue, 12 Sep 2000 19:02:25 GMT

nerd rock. geek rock. whatever.

You're the words that come out easy and I'm speechless at best. Your sorry to seems to shine above the rest. You're the face before the camera, the smile I'd like to earn. The closest thing to perfect in a hollywood suburb. You're the beauty that is deeper than eyes can merely see. The closest thing to perfect but the farthest thing from me. I'd love to be the shoulder that you cry on. I'd love to be the friend you call when things are gray. I'd love to be the shoulder that you cry on. I'd love to be the friend you call when things are great. Your the dream that hasn't ended. And I'm still anxious for rest. You're words they seem to hang above my head. You're the bird before the flower before it hurls into full bloom. Captivating beuaty but it may be all too soon. You're the song that writes a story but leaves alot to read. Closest thing to perfect but the farthest thing from me. I'd love to be the shoulder that you cry on. I'd love to be the frend you call when things are grey. I'd love to be the shoulder that you cry on. I'd love to the friend you call when things are great. I really deserve a chance to sit across the table and tell you that i think your wonderful, and i think you're something special. I guess this is my only chance to say i wish I knew you, cause I'm sure your wonderful if I get to know you.
-the juliana theory - the closest thing

This is a seriously beautiful song.